Are Deal Lawyers More than ‘Cornermen,’ ‘Functionaries,’ ‘Second-Class Citizens’?

Here we live under the impression that lawyers are important.

They think up ingenious arguments on behalf of unpopular clients; they serve as bulwarks between the state and private citizens; they put the bad guys behind bars; they provide assurance to parties looking to make agreements with one another. Etc., etc., etc. Yadda yadda yadda.

So it’s refreshing when we come across a post like this one, from the WSJ’s Evan Newmark. Newmark is a former Wall Street banker who now plies his trade writing about his former colleagues. Newmark’s pen is often quite sharp. Deliciously sharp.

To wit, in the article linked above, entitled “Mean Street: The Mysteries of the Miserable Wall Street Lawyer,” Newmark minces no words:

On Wall Street where I spent most of my career, motivations are . . . straightforward. Nearly everyone is out to make a buck — or as many of them as they can.

Which makes the puzzle of the Wall Street securities lawyer all the more puzzling.

Why work at Cravath or Skadden Arps or S&C when you could work at Goldman Sachs? Why throw yourself into Wall Street’s ring knowing you’ll be stuck as a cornerman for the rest of your life?

So biting, it makes us laugh.

Continues Newmark, on how deal lawyers get to the top:

Four years for your B.A. Three years for your law degree. Another six to eight years of 24/7 partnership-track servitude.

And after a dozen dreary years of study and apprenticeship, your likely reward is to take orders from arrogant 35-year-old Wall Street bankers for another decade or two.

On what deal lawyers get to do:

[I]f you’re a Wall Street deal lawyer, you’re a well-paid functionary. You’re necessary to the deal and probably superb at what you do, but a functionary nonetheless.

You’re there to make sure the documents are right and filed on time. You’re there to make sure you have a case for the courts. You’re there to make sure no one ends up in jail.

But you don’t negotiate the price of a merger between two CEOs. You don’t pledge billions in bank money for bridge loans or stapled finance. And you don’t get to schmooze at Davos with Tony Blair or Steve Schwarzman.

It goes on. We strongly suggest a click through to read it — and a well-done corresponding piece over at Deal Journal on the ways bankers drive lawyers crazy.